The book of Ecclesiastes causes me to drop to my knees in prayer!  This morning was absolutely no exception!  "Vanity of vanities, saith the Preacher, vanity of vanities; all is vanity." is how this book starts out in 1:2, and it ends with this in 12:13-14, "Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter:  Fear God, and keep his commandments: for this is the whole duty of man.  For God shall bring every work into judgement, with every secret thing, whether it be good, or whether it be evil."  Just those scriptures alone will bring a person to their knees and beg for forgiveness and salvation!

   This morning started out quite normal.  Coffee, strip my bed and put the sheets in the washer, straighten up the livingroom, ready a birthday package to my brother, outside to sit and read scripture and journal.  Yep, pretty much a normal morning-then bam! the Holy Spirit starts pressing on my very soul the vanity of all done for ones' self!  Am I fearing God and keeping his commandments?  Am I truly living for God and not man?  Am I raising my son to be a normal American Christian or a true man of God?  I felt like running a hiding somewhere, but where would I hide?  God would be there!--all I have to do is just ask King David!!!   Anyway, this morning ended up with a very heavy chastening from the LORD, and hopefully and prayfully a renewed purpose. 

      It is kind of weird about this morning because I have had several questions on my heart here lately.  This morning really did not answer any of them, but it did bring out the seriousness of my pondering.  I must find the answer to them, and I must by the power of the Holy Spirit, make some changes.  Some of my questions are:  "If a woman is Holy Spirit led and obeys the Word of God, as she understands it--Is she a legalist?"  Gods' Word is very specific on many aspects of a woman's life--"If she truly obeys God from the depths of her heart (without trying to gain entrance into Heaven, because she knows that the only way to God is through is Son, Jesus, and His work on the cross) will she be a legalist?  Are things written in scripture for all time and all cultures or just Biblical times and Jewish culture from 0 to 33 A.D.?  Do I stay in a church were I am growing more and more uncomfortable with "nothing to die for" issues?  Are the issues that I am having wrong, selfish, oldfashioned?  Would I want my son to grow up under the influence of this church and maybe even marry one of the young ladies that has grown up under the influence of this church?   I sure could use an older mature woman's teaching and counsel right now! 

    The reason for my fearful questioning is this:  In the past I have been considered a legalist.  I was very firm in my faith and in the Word of God.  If God said it--I believed it!  I did not have a problem with it--at all!  I knew that my entrance into Heaven and being reunited with God was ALL JESUS AND NO OTHER PERSON OR WORKS did and does that honor go to!  But, I followed scripture and was considered a legalists.  It could have been my militant attitude at that time that caused this vein of thought about me, but I have since been humbled in multiple ways which has resulted in a much softer and vulnerable personality.   Anyway, I have been told that I have a tendency to lean towards "legalism" in my walk with my LORD.  I know I like to follow the rules--it is safe.  Does this make me a legalist? 

     Now, I have been under teaching and teachers where modernism is prevelant and the Word of God--especially concerning women and their roles--are chalked up to 0-33 A.D. timeline or completely avoided.    "Fear God, and keep his commandments: for this IS the whole duty of man."  Everyone seems to be in the "age of grace"--so what does one do about "Fearing God and keeping HIS commandments?" 

          "And Mary pondered these things in her heart"...