ItÂ’s the 365^th day of 2005.

HmmmmÂ…

Meaning, we have 365 new ones beginning tomorrow.

Resolutions are among the many steadfast traditions of Americans each New Year.  IÂ’ve usually not been too terribly good with these; probably because in the past, I have resolved to do irrational things like lose weight and eat healthy.

Well what fun is that?

I rather enjoy crying in my closet because the elastic waist stretch jeans I bought just one month ago wonÂ’t pull up over my dimpled thighs.  And why in the world would I want to eat bean sprouts with a side of tofu and homemade goatÂ’s milk yogurt, when I can begin my day by dining so eloquently on leftover loaded pizza straight out of the ‘frig  followed by Girl Scout mint cookies while sipping my morning coffee loaded with sugar and heavy Amaretto crème?

Then, there are those resolutions for personal improvement like being more productive each day: organize the household starting with everyoneÂ’s drawers by color coding their clothing and then alphabetizing the pantry (Â….donÂ’t think I havenÂ’t tried the pantry oneÂ….Â’til I saw the movie Sleeping With the Enemy and I tossed that one right of my mindÂ…).  AndÂ… I readily admit to a dislike of the fire drill related search for clean underwear that is an all too common occurrence in our household, but our laundry schedule and its efficiency are way, way low on my totem pole.  Rather, I have enjoyed starting my days this last year checking email, reading internet news sources and becoming so engrossed in web surfing that I realize to my horror that it is after one oÂ’clock, too many afternoons than I care to admit, while IÂ’m still in my bed clothes and the coffee pot is scorched, yet again, with the last dribble of coffee from the morning.

Well, maybe I do need a few personal improvements in the New Year.  So I guess I could give it a go:

I Resolve Some or a Few of the Following over the course of the next 365 days of 2006:

• Â…rather than pile my dirty clothes all over the bathroom and on the floor beside the bed right before I go to sleep each night, I will maintain some form of self-discipline and throw all my dirty clothes into the large heap at the back of my closet.
• Â…walk more.  Since all this phlebitis stuff came into my life in recent weeks, I am told that I need to walk more for better leg circulation.  So IÂ’ll plan to go to the mailbox twice a day now.
• Â…clean the toilets regular rather than wait for the ring to grow and the growling to begin.  ThatÂ’ll be one less animal to feed to around here.
• Â…plant a larger garden this year ~ meaning, I will actually plant all the seeds I had to have from those pretty garden and seed catalogs: as in dig the dirt, plant the seeds and be done with it.  Whatever happens after that wonÂ’t be my fault anymore.
• Â…take a shower before TuesdayÂ…..and then again by Friday.  This is over and above the regular “got toÂ’s” such as when you have an appointment, somebodyÂ’s died or getting married.
• Â…create “office hours”.  Rather than start my day checking email and remaining hypnotized for the remainder of the day by the World Wide Web, I shall resolve to check my email at night.  YouÂ’ll have to be sure and email me yesterday all the good luck chain letters and bad joke emails that I need to know the next night.  IÂ’m sure my husband wonÂ’t mind finding me at two in the morning face down and drooling on this keyboard.
• ...and the Golden Rule that continues to dominate my life ~ do not bring home the wrong dead cat.  You have no idea how this can lighten one's emotional load.

Well, there you have it, my very best attempts at realistic resolutions for 2006.

Now IÂ’m off to get ready for our familyÂ’s New YearÂ’s Eve fun of playing every board game we own, eating as much junk food (often referred to as “heavy horsdeurves”) as humanly possible, watching our kids ricochet off the walls from drinking too, too many Cokes all night and, at the stroke of midnight, running outside to watch my pyromaniac youngest son run around the front yard with sparklers lit, you know "sparkling",  and held tight between his teeth all the while my husband is playing “Revele” on his bugle!

With all seriousness aside, I wish you all a healthy, happy and blessed 2006!

Happy New Year!

Harriette K. Jacobs

“Somewhere”

South of the Gnat Line

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