home and hearth

 

   Everything had been going well. On the eve of January 11th however, I became very ill. It was unbearable. I was unable to read Scripture to the children and was so disappointed. This sickness lasted almost 2 weeks and it still lingered. Some happy things came out of this. Through some trials, somehow, my husband decided that I no longer needed to work at our store at night. So I have been home completely and totally! What a blessing! This stunned me because I thought of a post I wrote here last year. I said that I wanted to just be home and not mixed among the ungodly and see what came of it (in regard to spiritual quietness, renewal and writing). And now it has come to pass........ All I have to do is our bookkeeping here at home.

   I had been feeling very bad physically, cast down and undergoing some pruning. Was I wasting time? I wrote an article, "Called to Die?" And sent it to a magazine for possible publication. If they don't print it, I will post it on my website and share the link here. It has to do with the intensity, in which I feel God is pleading with me to do His work and how much I want to run away from it.........

    Joy then came. I was feeling better, accomplishing a lot, and very much at peace...... Then I started noticing problems with my legs. They were not cooperating with me...... Exactly one week ago, I collapsed. Yet I continued to attempt to walk and do what I needed to do, but my body gave out. I had taken a walk across the street to our store with Amy (12) and by the time we started to head back home, she was holding me up with all the strength she could muster. I ended up completely bedridden. My legs would not work. My feet were sore, swollen and "burning." My legs hurt. I rested and just read and Mothered from the couch. The children got out my crutches and I had to use them to get around. (I have had them for about 6 years for times like these). One night, I hobbled over to the stairs leading to Nicole's (17) room to tell her some news. (her room is on the third floor). Then I had to call her to come down. I needed help. I couldn't get back to the couch. My child carried me and carefully laid me down on that couch. .........

    Matthew (14), helps me up and down the stairs on the rare occasion I have to do something on my computer (like printing out a payroll check for our employee at the store, etc). I can't make it on my own. I tried using the crutches to go up and down the stairs (there are 15 stairs), but it exhausted me and I feared I would fall.

     The children have taken over all the meals and housekeeping. I am losing weight (grins). They don't always cook things I like to eat (gentle smiles).... But they do, tenderly care for me and dutifully provide me with my much loved hot chocolate.

    Yesterday was the holy Sabbath. I chose to completely relax on the couch all day, I wouldn't do any bookkeeping for the store. I would just rest all day. This helped. I can feel that I am healing. Today I spent most of the day resting and just now felt very somber and sad and wanted to get my mind off things so I came downstairs (with Matthew's help) and began to write here.

   I will be okay.......... All will be well........ Thank you Andrea for caring....... Love and hugs,

Mrs. White

 

    Normally, I have to work in our store for about one hour every night. I take the children with me and the store is across the street from our house, so it is almost like home. Also, my husband is there with us so it is nice. However, nothing is as nice as staying HOME. So Jim has told me that I only have to work 3 nights a week starting today. I am delighted!! He is very good to me.

    Do husbands come that way? Well, do they start out as wonderful men? Maybe, maybe not. Most don't. It takes years and years of growing together, of facing trials together; of suffering together and learning to overcome it all. These things strengthen a marriage. How many elderly couples have you seen, who have been married for fifty - plus years? Most, if not all, of them are very happy and considerate of one another. This is because of the passage of time, learning to forgive and learning to really LOVE one another. So no, I don't think husbands always start out good. Come to think of it, neither do we wives......

 

 

I have some goals for the coming year. It is always nice to make a fresh start. Here are some of the things I plan to do:

 

1.  I hope to write one of those annual family updates. This is something I've never done before. It never interested me but since my children are growing up and I've lost touch with several people, I would like to start chronicling our life a bit to share. I would also like to include pictures with this, which would be wonderful.

 

2. I plan to exercise every single day without fail - regardless of what is going on around me. (Twice a day, once in the morning, and once at night). I have been able to do this for over a week now and I know it won't be a problem. This is for my health, which has been very poor the last year. I don't ever want to get that dragged down again!

 

3. Get this one.... It is my favorite...... (grins)......... The two youngest children and I are planning to give up tv (movies, etc)  for the entire year (with the exception of one day per month). When I first mentioned this to Amy (age 11), she was stunned, then excited. We've had periods of "fasting" from movies (tv) for a month or two here and there, so it won't be so hard. John is perfectly happy about this. He is 9. He is such a good boy! Now we decided to use 12 days out of 365 for "emergencies" or when some really good opportunity comes up for us to see.  (Like to watch fireworks on the fourth of July, etc).

 

4. I plan to re-type a children's novel I wrote several years ago and send it to a publisher. I think I found someone who might be interested in publishing it. It is a humorous book with some serious parts to it. I think it would be fun to have it published.

 

5. I will finish 2 book projects I have been slowly working on.

 

6. I will eat healthy and avoid ALL junk food and avoid all soda. This, again, is to improve my failing health. I started this about a week ago, and it is going well. I don't think it will be too difficult. You have to get to a point where you say, "either I stop this, or I am going to be dead." (gentle smiles).

 

    I want a quiet life, here in Vermont. I need quiet to think, study, research and reflect. I want to meditate on Scripture day and night. This, we are promised, will bear good fruit.

 

    What are your plans for the coming year and how will you carry them out?

    Many times throughout the day, I listen to sermons on cassette tape. Some are imperfectly recorded and I have trouble hearing them, amidst the childish hum and chatter of my little ones. I will be mixing up a batch of cookies, or peeling potatoes for dinner, while my little cassette player is on and the minister's sermon comes through to warm the household with spiritual goodness! These truths are getting into my children's minds and hearts, so I know it is doing them good.

    Alas, often, I can barely hear everything he says. And so, today, I thought I would wait until all are in bed, until all have gone to sleep and I will sit in the dark, by candlelight and listen to the sermons late at night. Just me......... How precious!

    Vision Forum has extended an offer to their customers. It goes something like this:

If you spend $195 dollars, they'll give you a free DVD set of their History lectures. If you spend $295, they will also give you a copy of the Geneva Bible (which is the same Bible the Pilgrims brought with them when they came to America). Okay, do I have to tell you how MUCH I want these free gifts? I mean, do I have to describe in detail how much I dearly, and truly WANT THEM so much that it is eating at me? I actually thought, maybe there is a way I can come up with such an order? I even went so far as to make a list. This list contained excellent products that would seriously help me and my family and also seriously enrich our home and schooling. I WANT THEM........ But I can't. I am giving this up. It is killing me at the moment, but I am not going to do it. Why? (Read my previous post - "Daddy's Sacrifice."). I simply don't have a single penny to spare......... What I will do, however, is take the printed email offer from Vision Forum, combine it with my list of items I chose and carefully file them away. So, in a sense, I won't forget. In some small way, I will HAVE these items, even if I don't really have them.

 

 

****** Later:

I wanted to update this post. With the kind counsel and sympathy of others, I have calmed myself. Just like a writhing child, who is subdued. I found this quote from Martin Luther which is really fitting:

 

"I have held many things

and have lost them all,

But that which I have

placed in God's hands

I still retain."

 

I just noticed something else about my post...... Did I say, anywhere at all that I "needed" these things? (gentle smiles).. Our "wants" can often take over our good sense!

 Praise His Holy Name - I am over it!

 

 

    My husband, Jim, had just worked two double shifts at our store. On Monday, he worked from 4 am until 9 pm (with only a 2 hour break in the middle of the day). He did the same thing on Tuesday. By Wednesday, he was very tired and ready for several hours of sleep. On top of that, he was coming down with a cold and didn't seem to be able to stand up without wobbling a bit. Jim is known to us all as "Daddy." He is my dear husband and the father of our five children. He has an intense work ethic that never ceases to amaze me. He does this to pay our bills and to provide for us all.

    We are far from rich. The past few months have been unusually difficult for us, financially speaking. Jim knows I love to spend money and he knows how hard it is for me right now. I cannot spend a dime. The children and I have made a sort of game out of it. On my last birthday, one of the children bought me "season 5" of the Little House on the Prairie series. Unfortunately, our remote control was lost. For some reason, we could only watch the first show on each disc and couldn't watch any of the other ones without a remote. I suffered in silence.... (can you believe this is what I consider a sacrifice for me? - gentle smiles). But you have to understand that my dear husband gladly works so hard to make sure I am happy and content to be at home without worries. He is a treasure. Now the children decided to "scrounge" up some money and buy me a new remote for $7. They were finding all the coins they could. Jim had just gotten home from work and asked what they were doing........ He smiled when they told him.......... He looked so tired. It was Wednesday and he was so worn out........ Just as the children and I were about to head out the front door, Jim called me back. He handed me a $20 bill and said "Here, spend this on yourselves." I almost cried. This was a very special bill because he had been saving it for many years. It had the year he was born on it and he had been keeping it for such a long time. I looked at that bill and just loved him so very much........... It was Daddy's sacrifice........ His wonderful loving-kindness (that we didn't deserve) to his family....... I will always be grateful to him......

 

    20 years ago, my Aunt Pat had this beautiful, elegant couch in her livingroom. I always loved it. I would tug on her sleeve and say "Don't ever get rid of it. But if you do, I want it!" She thought I was crazy. Every so often, perhaps every five years, I would remind her about that couch. "Don't get rid of it, Auntie!" I would plead with her. She really had no intention of getting rid of it, so I felt safe. But just a few weeks ago. She decided to get rid of it. I have been waiting 20 years..........(gentle smiles). It was delivered across 2 state lines to get it to me. It arrived on a Sunday afternoon and was set up on a Monday. I have been sleeping on it ever since. It is still in Mint condition. At first I told the children they were never allowed on it. "This is a family heirloom." I told them. A child would look at me with wide eyes and say, "What if we are sick?" ....... I snapped "then sleep in your bed where you belong!" Then I smiled warmly.

     Jim (my husband) came home from work and found Amy sitting on the floor in front of the couch. "Baby?" he asked. "Why don't you sit on the couch, honey?" She glanced at me. She didn't mention the fact that I had forbidden all the children from going near it!

    After a few hours, I lightened up...... I let the children enjoy it with me. But I had to put my foot down when it came to eating or drinking on it. They understood. And so for the past few days, Amy and I have been ill and have been sleeping on the couch and watching episode after episode of Little House on the Prairie.

    I am feeling a little better today. But when I tried to get on the couch, I actually fell on the floor...... Then I went to check on the laundry. I attempted to open the dryer door, but fell against it instead. "I think I'll go back and lay on Auntie's couch for a bit." I said and cuddled up in a nice blanket and fell asleep. Amy made me a batch of brownies and I am doing much better. No one could understand why I needed the brownies. I tried to explain that brownies were a required food group for me and that is why I had been so ill - a lack of brownies.

    

    I just came across this article at the Ladies Against Feminism web-site. It is an excellent example of what I was saying here in a recent post. Enjoy!