Ponder the Path

December 16, 2007

More thoughts...

Thank you all for wonderful words of encouragement. So many things run through your mind during times like these. So many friends have commented on how strong my faith is and what an inspiration I am to them. I don't feel like one at all. I think to myself, "if they only knew the battle going on inside". I know in my heart that my God is so good. I try to dwell on vVerses such as:

Romans 8:28
And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose.

There are just those time, though, where my heart ask why. I think that the pain I feel is not so much from the loss of the baby (I am so comforted knowing my sweet baby is with Jesus). The pain I feel comes in trusting the Lord, even during a time when it "feels" like He has forsaken me. I know it doesn't compare, but I wonder if this is a glimpse into the how Christ felt on the cross. I don't know if I should even make that comparison. Surely my suffering cannot even begin to compare.

I am realizing what a great purpose my child has served in it's short life and death. The loss has sent me to the Word, digging, seaching for answers. It has caused me to seek to know my God even deeper. Sometimes I sit and ponder the Scriptures, but my finite mind cannot wrap itself around the infinite Glory of God.

I believe I have written before that my husband and I have chosen to let the Lord plan our family - as many of you have. When you are young and make this decision, you sometimes question your sanity in doing so. I always thought that it would mean having a baby every nine months, and in no time at all I would be living in a shoe! How gracious God has been in giving me just as many as I could handle, as just the perfect time. I would admonish the younger women to be thankful for each child the Lord places in your womb, for you do not know the plans of the Lord. He ultimately opens and closes the womb. He gives and takes away. Blessed be Your name!

Posted by jasmine at 8:53 PM | Posted in Family | 0 comments | Permalink

December 12, 2007

Our Baby is with the Lord

I haven't been on in a while...correction, I haven't posted in a while. I have done lots of browsing and reading. Last week, Dec. 1st, we lost our precious baby. I was 11 weeks pregnant. This was the first time I have lost a baby. It was quite a shock, especially after 4 healthy babies. We have been so blessed with many families in our homeschool group bringing meals and such. My 13 dd was such a grown up girl. It is during times like this that the Lord shows us how blessed we really are. I do believe God is good all the time.

That's not to say this has been an easy time. I have experienced so many emotions and questions in my heart that I never would have thought I would have felt. If you would have asked me before, I would have thought that mourning the loss and recovering physically would have been the biggest challenges. However, this time has been much more of a spiritual experience. I am not quite sure how to describe it. I know that God is Sovereign, and know that He loves the baby and our family more that we could ever love ourselves. I guess it come down to trust. Do I trust that God does the best thing for me at every moment? In my mind, I know He does. Making my heart "feel" it is another story.

Posted by jasmine at 9:15 PM | Posted in Family | 10 comments | Permalink

September 28, 2007

Psalm 127

Except the LORD build the house, they labour in vain that build it: except the LORD keep the city, the watchman waketh but in vain. It is vain for you to rise up early, to sit up late, to eat the bread of sorrows: for so he giveth his beloved sleep. Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward. As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth. Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate.
Psalm 127

I know that this topic has been discussed time and again, and most of us are on the same page. However, it just occured to me how many young women there are that may be reading our blogs and just beginning to understand the fruitful womb. Anyhow, I have been pondering this passage and all that it entails, so I thought I would post my thoughts...

When I first read these verses, I was actually surprised. I had heard the first verse many times...Except the Lord build the house, they labour in vain that build it. I had heard that verse applied over and over to the things we choose to do. For example, if you are going to take a job, ask the Lord if it is the right job for you. If you are going to start a new business, put the Lord first and make your decisions based on His guidance. Now these are noble things to do, but when I read the entire Psalm, I was surprised at the context of this verse. God is telling us that He wants to build our house (household).

We can try and create our perfect family - 2.5 children and one dog, but we are laboring in vain. We are planning and preventing to our own demise. We are eating the bread of sorrows. How many times do we spin our wheels trying to serve in different ministries, when the very heritage of the Lord is place in our loving care. With each babe He places in our wombs, He is both entrusting us and rewarding us. Let us be reminded of the prodigal son who squandered his inheritance. How many times have we squandered our heavenly rewards in search of temporal happiness, convenience, neccessities?

As we look at the last verse, we see that happy is the man hath his quiver full of them [children]. How many makes a full quiver. I think the answer is found back in verse 1, let the Lord build your house. He has designed each man and intimately knows how many arrows it will take to fill his quiver. For every young family who timidly asks themselves, "How can we handle the 15 kids we are going to have if we don't limit our family size?", there is another family hoping and praying, "Lord, how can we go on without the children we so desire?" In both cases, the Lord offers the answer. He wants to build our houses, so that we don't have to labor in vain. He knows us and loves us and has plans to prosper us.

Posted by jasmine at 6:38 PM | Posted in Family | 1 comments | Permalink

September 15, 2007

Bloom Where You Are Planted

I have really been convicted of not being patient and waiting on the Lord, and not being content with where He has planted me. I read the cute little Mary Englebreit saying "Bloom where you are planted" (maybe someone else coined the phrase, not sure where it originated?). What wise words!

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. Jeremiah 29:11-13

God has plans for me??? Yes, He sure does, and His plans are to prosper me and not harm me. Why is this such a hard lesson to learn? Why do I feel like my plans are better?

My husband is in the Air Force and we have been stationed in CA for the last 5 years. Almost from the time we arrived we have wanted to go back overseas (we were in Germany for 4 years). I say we, but really my husband could probably be content anywhere (anywhere there is a fishing hole that is). But I have prayed, begged, and tried to work out anyway for us to get back overseas. It is obviously not in His plan, at least not at this time. And yet I keep knocking on a closed door. My friends told me something I have really been pondering lately. She said that we pray for God to open and close doors, but we act upset when He does it. How true of myself! I need to really be joyful that I have a God that has plans for me that will give me hope and a future!

Lord, forgive me for seeking my own way above yours. Give me patience and contentment and help me to bloom where you have planted me!

Posted by jasmine at 2:52 PM | Posted in Family | 0 comments | Permalink

August 22, 2007

My sweet girl turns 5 today!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MADDIE

Posted by jasmine at 11:11 AM | Posted in Family | 5 comments | Permalink

August 17, 2007

Laugh for the Day

Please note, I am not dishonoring my husband in anyway by telling the following story. He is very good natured and thought the whole ordeal to be almost as funny as I did

.

Last night, we had gone to pick up a few things as JoAnn's Fabric Shop. As we were leaving, my husband said he would like to stop by Target and get some popcorn. I said, "Why don't we all go in?" Our son need some new flipflops and my daughter had received some birthday money and wanted to buy some Littlest Pet Shop animals. As we were getting out of the van, my husband put my 2 year old daughter up on his shoulders to carry her in. I looked at her and asked where her gum was, and she smiled and opened her mouth to show me she didn't have any. Well, being 2, I just assumed she had swallowed it. I promptly told her not to swallow her gum, and that she would get no more. End of story - so I thought!

When we went in, my husband took the 2 year old and my son with him to buy popcorn, while I took the 2 other girls to go look at the animals. A few minutes later, here comes my hubby and the kids and he has the strangest look on his face. As he gets closer, I see a pink blob on top of his head. As he approaches, he explains that had dropped her gum in his hair. He said he tried to pull it out, but couldn't get it. At this point, I started laughing, really laughing. He asks me to get the gum out, saying "don't worry about how hard you pull, just get it out". I start to try and get it out, but as I am doing so, it is only getting squished in more. So I am trying to get the gum out with one hand, tears are streaming down my face, I am holding the stomach with my other hand, and at the same time squeezing my legs together to keep from wetting my pants. I manage to get a small portion of the gum out, but by doing so, it caused a large patch of hair to stand straight up -- think Alfalfa. "Sorry hon, that's all I can get out until I get some peanut butter."

At this point, I just hurt all over, I didn't think I had any more laughter in me. I figured my husband would head back to the van, but he nonchalantly walked around the store store, cool as could be, and continued shopping with us. He was looking at electronics with my son when I saw this teenage kid pass by them. He did a double take and kept his eyes glued to my hubby's new do!

Well, we did get home and get some peanut butter and the night ended well for my hubby. A merry heart does good like a medicine!!!

Posted by jasmine at 7:58 AM | Posted in Family | 5 comments | Permalink

June 5, 2007

Diaper Duty -- cloth diapering

I am potty training my soon to be 2 year old, so I thought I had better post a bit about cloth diapers before they are out of sight, out of mind. I was a very hesitant cloth diaper user. If I would have had to slosh them around in the toilet, I would never have decided to use cloth (unless it was an absolute necessity). I decided to use them for 2 basic reasons: one, the health of our babies, and two, the amount of money we save by using them. I have really grown to love using cloth diapers. My little girl is always so soft and snuggly, and her skin so smooth and healthy. The material used to make disposable diapers so absorbant can get into babies urinary tract and cause all sorts of health problems. Not to mention the smell it creates when mix with urine. I had thought that the cloth diapers would be smelly, but as long as they are washed the same day they really don't smell.

I had also calculated how much we spent on disposables and wipes. It came to appoximately $100 month for a new born. Over a 2 year period, I estimated that we would spend appoximately $2000. With my last child, I bought 2 sizes of Fuzzi Bunz (which can be used for the next baby, or resold on Ebay-great resale value) for approx. $500 and made my own cloth wipes from microfleece. So, for 1 baby, I saved $1500, and if I have another baby, you can see how great the savings becomes! Now I realize there are cheaper diapers out there, but the ease of use and the multisize ability of Fuzzi Bunz has worked well for me.

How to (a bit graphic in nature):
For a newborn - 15 to 18 diapers should last you 1-2 days. Once the diapers are soiled, I place them in a plastic grocery bag on the back of my laundry room door. They sell bags that your can put diapers in, and them throw in the wash, but I didn't splurg. I wash my diapers once a day. I know this sounds like a lot of extra washing, but it really isn't. For one thing, there isn't much prep work, they are already by the washer, and two, they don't really require folding (I have a dishwashing tub on a shelf in my room, and I have one of the kids take them from the dryer to the tub and toss them in). When I wash them, I pull the soakers out from them middle (Fuzzi Bunz are a pocket diaper) and toss both the diaper and the soakers into the washer, along with any cloth wipes. Since a newborn's stools are usually runny, I don't try and remove anything before placing them in the washer. I wash my diapers in the hot water cycle twice, adding a mild detergent for the second washing. I then dry them on a low heat setting.
Toddler -- 12 to 15 diapers should last 1-2 day, although I do double up on the number of soakers I insert into the diaper. Once stools become solid, I take them to the toilet and "shake" off as much as possible. The washing directions are the same as above.

I didn't always use cloth diapers for my babies. I wish someone I shown me how easy, and wonderful it could be...so natural and comforting. As I am potty training my little one, I won't miss the extra work, but I will miss the diapers. Hopefully God will bless us with another little one to pass these diapers along to!

Blessings!
Jasmine

Posted by jasmine at 8:30 PM | Posted in Family | 2 comments | Permalink