Systems are good. They work for McDonald's, large families and human digestion. The  more planned-out and  prayed-over  the system, the greater the benefit from using it. The more variables involved in any given process, the more necessary a system becomes.  If even folks like the Duggars, who have crafted for themselves a life apparently void of many variables, need the Buddy System, then perhaps I do as well. Case in point, the children and I went on our very first outing alone since Babydoll's arrival to run a few errands this week. Mr. Visionary had put me on restriction during my last trimester, as going into labor in public with six children in tow did not meet his standard for prudence. It had been ages since the last time I was out alone with the children, hence, we were not only out-of-practice, but in our former outings, everyone could walk, and the whole process involved one less carseat. Variables, you know. Throughout our preparations to leave home (a full-hour process from the time I said, "OK, I think we're ready-let's get our shoes on".), as I was speaking...slowly...through...my...teeth..., I realized that we were sorely lacking in the system department. The old "system" (Mom standing, fully  ready, chanting, "You-go get a sippy cup",  "You-make sure there are wipes in the bag", etc. ) would no longer work. Not that it was a well-oiled machine before, but with fewer variables, we could wing it. These days, with diapers that flood on the way out the door, the weather changes necessitating a whole new arsenal of excursion paraphernalia, and a new van-seating arrangement to get used to, the Buddy System has become a requirement for sanity smooth exiting strategy. The Buddy System involves an older child being paired up with a younger child to help them with miscellaneous tasks. In a pre-departure moment, this would involve Literary Lady double-checking Babydoll's  diaper bag for 14 diapers, 12 changes of clothes, burp towels, etc., The Flower Child packing a snack for Doodle and making sure her shoes and socks stay on the entire 50 feet from the mudroom door to the van, the Engineer helping Little Napoleon tie his shoes, and The Dreamer making sure Mom has her keys, glasses, purse, directions, grocery list, etc. I'm making lists for the Buddies to post by the back door, packing emergency backups in the van, and planning in an extra hour to get out the door. If that doesn't work, I'm going back to never leaving home with the children without Mr. Visionary. Somehow emergencies always seem like adventures with him around.

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Somewhere between allowing our children to be spoiled Prima Donnas and forcing them to be slaving Cinderellas, are a billion methods for teaching and training children to do chores. While methods are outside the scope of this post, we all need some method. In times past, I have wavered between the guilt (helped along by well-meaning others) induced by "not allowing them to be children", and the reality that I cannot do it all-"someone" has to help.   As with other matters that I have pondered, going to the scriptures has cleared up my dilemma. The basic gist is that God thinks work is good enough to have given Adam & Eve work before the Fall. I encourage doing your own Bible study on work (amazingly enlightening and terribly convicting for this Mommy), but a very thorough Biblical discussion about children and chores can be found in the new Managers of Their Chores book.   The best practical article I have come across lately about children and work is from KSMilkmaid. It sure backs up what Mr. Visionary always tell me when I'm having a rough day with the boys: "When they are acting like dirtbags, you have to get them doing some hard work. Forget the vacuum-get a shovel in their hands." My experience has shown that it works every time.   The most timeless lesson I have learned am learning about training my children in chores, has more to do with the Mommy than with the children. (Gulp.) Attitude matters. My attitude matters. As cliched and done-to-death as it is, the truth is: If Momma ain't happy, nobody is happy. Specifically, nobody wants to hear a nagging Momma. (Gulp again.)   So, when I mess it up in the attitude department by barking orders,  griping about the time it is taking, or expecting too much with too little training (again), I apologize to the children,  drag myself back to the Cross, and douse myself with the Word. It is good to receive mercy and a chance to start all over. No matter how many times a day it happens to be.       This is the result of a smiley Momma working elbow-to-elbow with the children. Almost Pollyanna-ish isn't it?     This is what happens when taskmaster Mommy barks out orders. This is the picture under "slavery" in Webster's. (Notice the Engineer's chain?)       Be sure to visit Choosing Home's Blog and check out their Topic-of-the-Week: Another One Fights The Dust or Children and Chores for more great articles! Thanks Choosing Home Gals!

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The once-a-month opportunity for a morning of calm, peaceful "girl time" is not my favorite part. Compared to what we are used to, the quiet is actually a little disconcerting. As much as we enjoy our time alone for all things girly, we secretly (shhh...) are glad when our guys get home from their monthly Men's Prayer Breakfast and Workday.   Many men come up to me at church the next day, praising "how well the boys worked". I smile politely pretending not to notice the surprise on their faces when they mention it. While I am pleased to hear it, unfortunately, I am not able to put much stock into the opinions of those men. I have no way of knowing to which standard they are comparing my boys. Were it compared to the last lazy teenager they saw glued to a video game, I would not be impressed. The praise from the men at church is also not my favorite part.   My favorite part is hearing Mr. Visionary's account of how the boys fared on their workday with the men. Dad knows our boys and the standard to which they should be compared. His reports delve into their hearts, and their struggles against their own flesh. These guys are being compared by Dad to their past: did they work harder than last time (even a little)? Did they learn ever-so-slightly-more what it is to discipline themselves when they wanted to play instead of work, or be served instead of serving others?   As the Momma who is with the boys every-second-of-every-day, my view is far too microscopic to be accurate. I often wonder not only if my guys will grow to be doers of the word, but if they will ever be hearers. The picture I get from Mr. Visionary's balanced macroscopic view, however, is always encouraging. Dad's praise of the boys is definitely my favorite part.   I think my second-favorite part is that my guys get to see men cook breakfast once-a-month. Maybe they will learn that men cooking breakfast is a good and natural thing. Maybe they'll want to try it sometime at home.   Or maybe they'll just appreciate my cooking more. Either way, I win.

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