THE PARTIES
1. The Parties of the first part, Phil and Julie, are the happily married father and mother of seven homeschooled children whose principle roles include the training, nurturing, teaching, loving, instructing and managing the aforementioned children in and from the domicile shared by them, the children, four cats, two kittens, one guinea hen, Curious George and Grace the Doll.
2. Parties of the Second Part, Grandma and Meemaw, are the maternal units of Phil and Julie respectively.
BACKGROUND FACTS
3. Both Parties of The Second Part have a history of excess purchases of “Sale” items, and transfer of said purchases to the Parties of the First Part.
4. Such transfers of excess purchases have caused intense emotional distress to each of the Parties of the First Part due to the housing and upkeep of said items, including, but not limited to having to build an addition onto our domicile to house our food as all other available pantries were full of said excess purchase items.
CONCESSIONS
5. The Parties of the First Part concede that the Wal-mart sale flyer has been delivered to our domicile in a timely manner, and that it has been perused by each Party of the First Part.
6. The parties of the First Part concede that they have heretofore allowed the transfer of ownership of 47,000 single subject spiral-bound notebooks in assorted colors, and the accompanying 700 glue sticks per annum by the Parties of the Second Part.
7. The Parties of The First Part concede that single subject notebooks can be very handy around the house, and that ten cents each is an exceptional price.
8. The Parties of The First Part concede that said notebooks come in assorted colors, including green - the favorite color of The Dreamer, and others which are very cute.
9. The Parties of The First Part concede that it is an amusing recreation to buy new school supplies, and that blueberry scented erasers can be therapeutic in a first grade aromatherapy fashion.
10. The Parties of The First Part concede that with due consideration to the vast quantity of children in our family, our educational endeavors employ multitudinous quantities of school supplies.
PROCLAMATION
11. Let the record show that although it is Back-To-School time, the Parties of the First Part do hereby request that no ownership of school supplies be transferred to us by the Parties of the Second Part.
12. Whereas, even with seven children, it would take a month of Sundays, by which time Christ may have already returned, to use 47,000 single subject spiral bound notebooks and the accompanying 700 glue sticks, notwithstanding the 100 that are ingested by the sixth child of the Parties of the First Part, henceforth referred to as Doodle.
13. Whereas, this non-transfer request is to be broadened to include protractors, compasses, erasers (with the exception of blueberry scented), filler paper (standard or college ruled), loose-leaf binders, crayons, colored pencils, plastic pencil cases in assorted colors to match each child’s personality, backpacks, lunch boxes, stickers, markers, rulers, folders, colored paper, workbooks, flashcards, staplers, staple pullers, and various and sundry other staple-related paraphernalia, including but not limited to boxes of staple refills.
14. Whereas, should the Parties of the Second Part be unable to control their desire to purchase during this Back-to School season, the Parties of the First Part would be open to the transfer of ownership of a new school bus to the Parties of the First Part.
15. Whereas, the Parties of the First Part will not at this time be seeking compensatory damages for the psychiatric treatments, twelve step programs or chiropractic care necessitated by the aforementioned intense emotional distress of Article 4.
Signed, Sworn, Testified, Proclaimed and Affidavited Six Ways from Sunday,
Phil and Julie, the Parties of the First Part
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