Husbands, Stinky Trash, and Other Musings

Posted on Tuesday, November 6, 2007 at 12:56

Anna at Domestic Felicty posted a very interesting blog recently... the topic, "Husbands and Housework".  With such an attention-grabbing title, of course I read it!!  Her thoughts inspired some musings of my own...

Growing up, my dad was the one who always took out the trash in our home, and on a regular basis.  Dad was (and is) a very organized, orderly and neat individual; with him as my example, I assumed that all (or at least most) men are organized, orderly people who always take out the trash.  After nearly 6 years of marriage to a slightly less organized man, I've adjusted my views on a few things.   However, I don't always learn everything the easy way, and I spent the first few years of our marriage fussing about some of the differences I didn't appreciate... one of them was, namely, Stinky Trash Can.

Not only am I a neat-freak and a perfectionist, I also have a highly sensative nose.  Honest to goodness, I can smell a stinky kitchen trash can when I walk through the front door of our house!  I also dislike seeing garbage hanging over the sides of the trash can.   Unfortunately, none of the above seemed to bother my adorable Prince, and this used to frustrate me to no end.  Naturally assuming that it is one of the Cardinal Doctrines of Marriage that men must take out the kitchen trash, I would pass by our smelly, over- flowing trash can several times a day and inwardly fuss.  How can he not see that the trash can is full... again??  Can he at least not SMELL it?  Apparantly not, and this went on for quite a while, with me dropping my "gentle hints" and he forgetting to make his daily check on the status of the kitchen trash can (as if he didn't have enough other things to do).

Last year I read a book by Debi Pearl entitled Created to be His Helpmeet.  I was quite surprised while reading through her chapters on submission, obedience, modesty, and other marriage-related topics, to happen upon a passage that dealt with none other than the stinky trash syndrom!  You mean, I'm not the only wife who deals with that?  Obviously not.   Debi confided that she used to fume and fuss because her husband- who is a highly educated, intellectual writer and speaker, no less- simply WILL NOT take out the trash and never has a day of their marriage.  She went on to say how she finally let go of her expectation (men must take out the trash) and started taking out the trash HERSELF! 

Now that was a new idea on me... I'd honestly never considered that it could me MY responsibility to carry out the trash when it needed it.  The only times I'd ever done it was with the grumbling spirit of a martyr!  I decided since my way wasn't working too well, I'd better give Debi's idea a try.  I quit expecting my husband to constantly stand guard over the kitchen garbage can to be sure it wasn't getting too full or too smelly for my preference... and I began bagging up the stinky mess and depositing it in the can by the curb as often as I felt it needed done.  At first it felt strange... this really isn't my job!  But I was tired of letting a bag of smelly garbage ruin my day and drive my husband crazy.     

Obviously I'm no genius or I would have thought of this sooner.  I haven't grumbled about the stinky trash can since, well I can't remember the last time... and the garbage can is always clean (well, unless I slip up and neglect it a day or two...).  Further more, Hubby Dear no longer has to worry about getting nagged to death about Kitchen Trash Patrol... and the funny thing is that he actually takes it out more than he ever did when I was always "reminding" him about it.   It's amazing what you can learn from a stinky can of trash.   

Now, don't get me wrong.  I'm not implying that men should never take out the trash or lift a finger to help in the home.  My wonderful man is a very helpful and considerate husband and daddy... he definitely does his share of helping out with "my" household duties.  My point is that, despite his fulfilling his many responsibilities of providing for our family, keeping up the home, finances, and vehicles, all I could see was a stinky can of trash that he failed to take out as often as I thought necessary.  How blind we sometimes get to what really matters because we're so focused on our little petty expectations. 

~Kristy

www.homemakerscottage.com

How neat! :)

Posted by Anna S on Wednesday, November 7, 2007 at 11:51 - Link

Kristy, thank you for sharing your own trash can experience ;) I'll forward this to Cristina, the lady who provoked me to write that post in the first place. Indeed, it's so easy to be fixated on one little detail and not notice all the many wonderful things!