Keeping Children Still in Church

Posted on Monday, October 22, 2007 at 10:30

Being the mother of two small children, I'm always interested in learning something about child training- especially when it comes to keeping my pumpkins quiet in church!  While browsing through a book recently, I came across some "advice" from a well-known Christian author- here is a summary of his thoughts:

Children under the age of 4 are too small to sit quietly during church, and, if finances allow, should be left at home with a baby-sitter until they are old enough to attend services with their parents.

I snapped the book shut in amazed disbelief.  This coming from a well-trusted Christian expert on child rearing?  I definitely beg to differ!  Perhaps my bias gets in the way here:  I am a pastor's wife and very involved in our church, and I can no more image leaving my children at home with a baby-sitter than I can imagine staying home myself.  My belief is that children are an intregal part of the church- even babies should be allowed to stay in the service unless they are causing a huge disruption.  

My own practice has been to train and expect our children to quietly entertain themselves with dolls, coloring books, blocks, or other silent toys during church.  I do not allow them to constantly go out for a drink, or to meander up and down the aisles, climb on pews, etc (I've seen all of the above!).  When our daughters were newborns, of course, I spent more time in the church nursery changing diapers and breast feeding; now they rarely go out during the service, and never to play in the nursery.

A friend once told me that her baby got into the habit of fussing loudly during church so that her mother would take her out and allow her play in the nursery.  The young mother always complied, simply to keep her child from causing a ruckus during church.  After a while, however, she wised up to her little one's trick.  When her daughter began throwing the usual fit to leave the service, the mother would take her out and spank her, then bring her back to the service.  After a few times of this, the little girl learned that it wasn't so fun to throw a fit and began behaving herself at church! 

Here are some things that work for me in helping our children be still during church services:

• I always bring a little purse or bag of quiet toys for them to play with.  Our 3 1/2 year old Amy loves to color, so she usually brings her own purse with crayons, stickers, paper, etc.
• A sippy cup and snacks are always in the diaper bag for our youngest, Emily, who is 16 months old.  I sometimes bring a small bottle of water for Amy in case she gets thirsty. 
• Both girls know that they are not permitted to leave the pew, wander down the aisles, or climb on the pews.  I allow Emily to walk about (in our pew) and play with her toys, as long as she stays close by.  Amy usually sits quietly beside me and entertains herself with her toys. 
• Disobedience is rewarded with a spanking.  Yes, I have had to take one or both of the girls out during the service in order to spank them; this may seem like an ordeal at the time, but it eliminates further confusion, disobedience, and the need for further spankings!   I very, very rarely need to spank our 3 1/2 yr old, and only occassionally our 16 month old.  They have learned the boundaries and are usually content to mind their manners! 
• We do not sit next to other children, simply because it causes further distraction.  Amy is much more apt to talk loudly and generally be noisier if she is sitting near her friends.  Emily actually entertains herself better if she's not distracted by others who are constantly trying to play with her or get her attention. 
• When we do go out to potty or change a diaper, both girls know they have to go back into the service and can't stay and play in the nursery.  After church they are permitted to play in the nursery! 
• My girls are not perfect, and I am not a perfect mother!  But for the most part, Amy and Emily are learning to be very good in church; I am even able to pray at the altar with them sitting beside me without too many interruptions. 
• While I do expect our girls to be good, I realize that it's impossible to demand a 3 1/2 year old and a 16 month old to sit with hands folded and legs crossed for an hour or two!  They are allowed to wiggle and play, as long as they are not disobeying or disrupting.  I want my girls to enjoy church, not dread sitting through torture every week!  And so far, we've been able to avoid leaving them at home with a baby-sitter...

~Kristy~

www.homemakerscottage.com

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Posted by HandsNHearts on Monday, October 22, 2007 at 11:09 - Link

That just shows how far we've stepped away from family worship, I think. I am so saddened to hear that this is from a Christian-professing author.
Our children were nursery babies when about 4 months old...and I was right there with them. Once we settled into a routine for church with them, they were with us in the pew. As they grew, we did many of the things you mentioned, but for the most part, they have always done well in church. There have been a few interruptions...but no more than those who feel the need to continually rise and excuse themselves during service, or those who sit toward the back to socialize.

Thank you for sharing this. I pray more and more parents find the blessings of keeping their children with them in service...afterall, those babies are our future within the church and we desperately need them!

Deanna

Thanks for the comment...

Posted by naturalmama on Monday, October 22, 2007 at 11:12 - Link

I definitely agree!! Our children ARE our future, and they need to learn from an early age to respect and enjoy the House of God!

~Kristy

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Posted by oldfashionedgirl on Tuesday, October 23, 2007 at 8:12 - Link

Thanks for visiting my blog, I am looking forward to getting to know you better! I always love the feeling of joy and self-sufficency that comes from having a lot of preserving done! It is such a great feeling!! How wonderful to have almost an acre, I guess that we are "playing at farm" too! We are getting chickens soon and praying that we can get a milk cow... BUT my dad says NO!!! We are still dreaming of having more someday... do you know how many acres you want?

On the topic of sitting for church... not that my family has been perfect, but my mom says that if you sit with them for a little bit each day, starting with 15 minutes and building up to 1 hour or so, that they will sit great! It sounds like your little girls are great at being reverent though! How sad that that man thinks that people shouldn't bring their little children to church! What they would miss out on!! Well, have a great day!!

Blessings,
Alex

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Posted by PONDERthePATH on Wednesday, October 24, 2007 at 8:08 - Link

Thank you! Great advice...I have been working with my 2 year old to through the service. I didn't think about bringing some toys for her. She gets bored with the pencil and attendance card. I may pack up a special church bag.

Thanks!

Posted by lisamarie on Thursday, October 25, 2007 at 1:40 - Link

Thanks for the comment on my blog and thanks fro this for me to read too! Always great advice from you Kristy!!!!
Lisa

Great!

Posted by Emily on Saturday, October 27, 2007 at 6:56 - Link

I am totally in agreement. It is sad that so many churches try to seperate families during what should be a family experience. I love your ideas for keeping small ones interested during church. I always sat with my parents growing up. I never knew any difference.
I am looking forward to reading more from your blog.
God bless you and your family.

Emily
http://emilyswhatsoeverthings.blogspot.com/

church

Posted by Crystal on Friday, November 2, 2007 at 1:12 - Link

My hubby and I don't have kids, but I often find myself watching how the other families with kids work things out on Sunday. I think you got the right idea about how to do things. I don't think I'd be comfortable letting a kid just play in the nursery because I think when they are too old for it, it'll be that much harder for them to be accustomed to the service. I've noticed that families that just always have the kids present have much more polite children too. I think there is a sense of reverance that is learned by example then, not that it makes kids grow up too quick, but that they can see that there is more to life then their own entertainment.
I think it's great that you let them wiggle too. I mean, that's probably the biggest reason kids really get bored. They just physically feel the need to move.
Well, I'll stop going on, I'm no expert since I don't have kids, but I've often envisioned that when that day comes I'd handle it the ways your mentioning.
Another thing, if I did have kids, there isn't a nursery I could shove them into at my church. The church we go to is pretty tiny, there is a quiet room where the parents can go with the kid, but that's about it. I almost think it's better because it encourages the families to keep their kids with them.
Crystal at www.getright.org/blog