I am going to stop posting here for a while.  Not sure when I'll be back.  I just have too many things on my plate and really, I'm not living much of a homestead-y life at all right now!  As for everything else going on in my life, I'd rather be journaling than blogging.

For my few close friends here, you can always click my e-mail link in my profile if you're so inclined, or hop over to my homeschool blog (the only one I"m keeping up with from here on out):

http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/CarolinaWren/

Happy Homesteading to the rest of you!

I have been hit hard lately, as I'm sure many others have, with the realization that EVERY thing is getting more expensive due to the out-of-control fuel price increases.  And I am realizing that I need to take steps in other areas to cut the overall budget, in order to accomodate higher gas prices and other things that I cannot control.

For instance, we are giving lots of thought to the errands we need to do.  We live in a rural area, and you don't just "run out for something" on a whim.  Yes, we have convenience stores and such not too far away, but for "real" shopping, we have to travel over 20 miles.  So, you start to really think before just hopping in the van.  What are we going out for, and can it wait until the weekend when we make a combined trip for several other things? 

Utilities:  this is a big "ouch" in the pocketbook.  NH has some of the highest electric rates in the country, right up there with CA.  I have become almost O/C lately, in turning off lights in unused rooms!  My kids need to learn that it does make a difference.  I will start charging the offending child 10 cents out of his allowance for each time a light is left on when they leave their room or the bathroom!!  That'll learn 'em pretty quick!   I am starting to hang my laundry out to dry, and will only use my dryer when absolutely necessary (there are 5 of us so I do plenty of washing!).  I am also hand-washing my dishes more often, so as to run the dishwasher only once or twice a week, instead of every other day.

Entertainment:  this is another big "ouch," but only because we become accustomed to a certain lifestyle.  It is definitely something we can control!!  I've already switched my Internet from the very pricey cable company to DSL with our phone comany.  It's the best I can do and really not a bad deal, since it's bundled with our phone bill.  TV can absolutely use some tweaking.  We are not watching it much these days anyway, so it's time to downgrade our package to the bare bones.  Oddly enough, DH will be the hardest sell on this!  The kids seem to do fine, as they prefer to be outside in the summer anyway.  Me, I prefer to curl up with a good book!  We will eat out far less this summer.  It's not something we normally do on a regular basis, but there is a summer-only seafood & ice cream place we love to go to when it's open.  This year, it will be a once-in-a-while treat.  We have a vacation planned for September, so over the summer we will no do much outside our immediate area.   In that respect, it is nice living where we do, with so many hiking and outdoor opportunities!  The most-climbed mountain in the world, Mt. Monadnock, is practically in our backyard.  There is nature EVERY where around here.

I am certainly not in a panic mode. but I am seeing changes in our country that we have not seen before in my lifetime (42 years, for anyone wondering!).  But I do see changes coming.  We are so used to a certain way of life, but I don't think that's a "given" anymore.  It's jus time to be ready.  For anything.

Somehow our 16th wedding anniversary came and went this past week with barely a peep!  We did go out a few weeks ago to celebrate, since we knew we'd be busy on the actual day.  It is sad how many people look at you in total shock when you tell them you've been married that long.  Such a rarity these days, I guess.  Aside from it being a Biblical mandate (to stay married, with few exceptions), I find I enjoy the stability that comes with being with the same person for a long time. 

It has also been 16 years since we were in Alaska.  We had NO idea it would be this long before we'd get back.  And as such, we have been giving a lot of thought lately to our once-passionate dream of returning to Alaska.  I guess I'm putting that out publicly here, as sort of a commitment to follow it through this time, Lord willing of course.  But He seems to be laying it on our hearts.  We are not driven, in an emotional, humanly way.  Just a quiet urging in our spirits that, for lack of a better way to put it, is calling us back.  I think really, we stuffed that big dream into a tiny box, and squelched its efforts to break free for so many years, because people would react in shock and say things like "Oh you can't do THAT!...."   After a while you start to believe them, and before you know it, you've all but let the dream die. 

Ours has been reawakened from a long-dormant sleep.  But it IS still there.  Maybe it IS time to go, and maybe that's why our efforts to sell the house and find a camp this year fell so flat.  We are still open to a camp, someday, if that is how the Lord leads, but if it's by way of a year or so in Alaska, then so much the better!  As a parent, I see the boundless opportunities for my boys in an adventure like this.  The 4,000 miles of country between here and there is just one big home schooling field trip!!  SO so much to see and learn about.  Once there, I will enjoy the home schooling freedom we'll have.  Alaska by nature is a state full of people who value their freedoms -whatever form that may take - to the point of defending it passionately.  They are not to be messed with!  I would also welcome the chance to raise my kids with a strong sense of independence - not independence from God and a life of following His Son - but an independence to be strong, Godly young men who can put in a hard day's work, provide for themselves and their families, and know that life isn't all fun and games, all the time.  I don't want to live completely isolated up there, but life in the last frontier requires you to be in tune with the world around you.  Your life can depend on it!

I have also come to realize that one thing that seems to draw me back away from pursuing this dream time and again is, plain and simple....STUFF!  Ugh.  Sometimes I hate having so much of it!!  Clearly we will have to downsize before making this move.  We will have to plan some essentials that come with us - clothing, cookware for the camper, some of hubby's tools, and so on.  And there will be some treasures that we pack up in a box, to be shipped up later once we arrive and get settled.  But there is lots and lots still left that we simply will have to part with.  Having lived in this house for over 5 years now (and that's not really all that long!) I am amazed at the "things" we have accumulated!  Oh my, but I'll have a project ahead of me...

So, there it is.  My declaration to finally follow our dream of heading to Alaska.  I hope some of you will check back in, pull up a chair and grab a cup of coffee, and join us for the ride!  It looks promising....

Someone recently made the comment that New England has three seasons:  winter, summer, and the week in between!  That seems to be the case this year.  We have had above-normal temps for the last 2 weeks, and as a matter of fact it's 83 here right now!  Oddly enough, though, despite the record snow we had over the winter, we are way down on our rainfall for spring and it is SO dry.  The forest fire danger is at its most elevated level.  I was raking yesterday and kicking up dust so fine that I was getting grit in my teeth and I felt like Pigpen from the Peanuts gang!  The soil in this area is very sandy anyway, so when it dries out like this, it's like the dustbowl of Oklahoma in the '30s.

I dismantled the garden plot yesterday, also.  Kind of sad, but I just don't have it in me to tend it this year.  It's a lot of work, and the stuff that grows best in this sand, I still have tons of left over from last year!  I think I will support my local farmer's market in the summer this year instead.  I may get some tomatoes and plant them in containers, but that's about it.

The situation with our DS11 has mellowed out considerably since my last post.  His dad has sat him down to try to talk about what's going on, and as we were starting to suspect, he was upset about us taking the house off the market right now.  He was all ready to move on!  We told him that we were, too, and that this isn't permanent, but that the timing just isn't right this year, and hopefully things will turn around enough that we can sell next spring.  He's dealing with it much better at this point, and returning to his normal self rather than all the acting out.  Sometimes you just have to get to the bottom of what's really bugging a kid!

So, as often happens in life, we have had a change of plans.  It's the sort of thing that should make a person step back and re-evaluate the situation.  Which is what I fully expect we'll do once we stop reeling from the events of the past week.  It's not that taking the house off the market came as a total shock.  We had actually tossed the idea around several times over the winter.  But now that it's done, we need some time to shift our focus off selling, and on to the present.

Our family needs some fixing.  That's really hard to admit, as a parent.  But we are having some issues with DS11.  They are certainly not full-blown "teen" type issues, but there are some heart issues that need addressing immediately.  It's been a rough week.  We are wondering if he's acting out over our taking the house off the market.  Can't seem to get any info out of him - of his own doing - but we are trying to get to the bottom of it.  "Defiance" and "rebellion" are the two words that sum it up perfectly. 

Maybe, when it comes down to it, we are not even ready to go to a camp.  I'm the first to admit that my family is hardly the poster-child for "perfect exmple of a servant-heart, Christian family."  How would I deal with my son's issues if our lives were out there, on display, for so many others to see?  Perhaps, just maybe, we are right here in this house because it is precisely where we are supposed to be right now!

I'm still looking ahead to a "someday."  I don't know when that day will come, but I still have dreams and as long as the Lord keeps those little fires burning in my heart, I will not let them die.  Who knows, maybe He will smile upon us and grant our once-greatest-desire to return to Alaska....

So we have taken our house off the market.  All factors pointed in that direction. 

I am SO RELIEVED!!!!!

What a great weight has been lifted off my shoulders.  No more living on the edge of constant "What if's..."   It's over.

For now!

The housing market was slow when we listed last September.  The bottom has since fallen out of it!  We have been watching all the houses in the area repeatedly lower their prices, to the point that we would need to do the same to stay competetive.  But then we'd be losing our shirts.  And since we don't "have" to sell - we're not in any danger of losing our house to the bank or anything - it would be silly to keep playing this game right now.  So we took it off the market, and will re-evaluate the situation next spring.

Meanwhile, I'm looking forward to our summer, and making plans, and just relaxing!  My oldest son will get to go to camp again (which he is SO looking forward to!), and we are taking our hoped-for trip to Disney in the fall.

And now back to your regularly scheduled life....!

I've reached it.  There's nothing left.  I'm about to fall off into a dark, black abyss. 

And right now I don't even care.

I am watching my husband decend into some very scary depths himself.  God made him with the desire to be able to provide for his family.  When "givin' it all he's got" still isn't enough, eventually it crushes a man.  He's fast on his way to that place.  He said just today he feels like an animal trapped in a cage (this house and his job).  I've rarely seen him so low and I don't know how much more either of us can take. 

I have NO joy anymore.  Life has become merely working to live.  I'm tired of well-meaning people telling me how many other people are in the same or worse situations, to keep my chin up because it will get better, that we need to just hang in there because God's gonna do "something"....  And I'm equally tired of other people telling me we'll "never sell our house in this economy!" 

There is only so much a human being can take, and I am broken and crushed.  There is just nothing left...

The camp in Oregon that we had our eye on last fall has posted a need for a maintenance guy again!  I  know our plans are in the Lord's hands but it is SO hard to look at a place like this, that we'd love to go to, and remain sitting here bound by this house....!!!!  It's a beautiful place.  Oregon is also an "orange" state on the HSLDA map, and has even lighter requirements than here in NH.

I'm SO ready for this move.  It has been a long, long road to travel.

Oh my but how the bug has bitten!  I'm not sure if it's the sudden longer days, or the gradual rise in our temperatures around here, or the fact that we're hoping to be moving this spring/summer, but all of a sudden I am driven to de-clutter and clean this place UP! 

It's exhausting to even think about!

I think in the cold dark days of winter, you just get used to stuff being anywhere and everywhere.  But all of a sudden it looks like a wreck to me and I've had enough!  And the more I do now, the less I'll have to do when it does come time to move.  And, at the very least, I'll have a nice clean house to enjoy the warmer weather in.

Well, anyone who home schools has certainly heard of the awful scene going on there right now with regards to stripping parents of the right to educate their children.  I pray with all my heart that this will be overturned.  ***If you have any interest at all in this case, I urge you to sign the petition against the CA ruling that makes home schooling illegal in that state!  Please visit www.hslda.org  You do NOT have to be home schooling to sign!***

Meanwhile it has really gotten me to thinking about home school freedom in general.  I live in a state that really doesn't require too much, and for the most part doesn't interfere.  But as we are praying for our house to sell so we can move on to a camp somewhere, I am putting much more stock into the "where" of that move.  I know the Lord always has our best in mind, but I do pray that He would lead us to a state where we can continue to home school with the freedoms we have now, or more.  It frightens me to think of a state taking away my right to "train up my child!"  I shudder to think of the road we are headed down as a nation if "she" gets into office next November and rallies her "village" around the children of the U.S....  God help us all.

The Home School Legal Defense Association web site (www.hslda.org) has a color-coded map of the U.S., indicating the overall requirements of each state in regards to home schooling.  It does vary state to state, but there are definitely some with far stricter requirements than others!  I'm currently in an "orange" state, but I've got my eye on all the "green" states for our move!! 

The CA case is so important to me, because all it would take is one state, one case like this, to start a deadly ball rolling.  We MUST fight for our freedoms, our God-given rights and responsibilities as Christian parents.