The Hunnicutt Homestead

Marriage & Relationships

Upon rising in the cool hours of the summer morning, my husband starts a pot of Earl Grey Tea in our coffee pot.  We like our tea laced with honey and milk and sip the warm soothing beverage every morning before the kids wake, treasuring our "alone time" together.  During these times we plan our week, discuss the things that have been on our minds, philosophize and generally enjoy one another's company.  It's times like these that I think make our marriage a strong one.

This morning we were discussing what ingredients make a happy marriage for each spouse.  We both began with the agreement that, of course, a marriage must be built on the foundation and love for our creator, Jesus Christ.  Without this, there is no solid foundation which objectively guides each individual's thoughts and actions in the rough seas of life.  Without it, selfishness creeps in until the union has been infested with the attitude of "my rights and happiness" mentality or an unhealthy approach to prioritizing children over one's spouse. 

We have observed so many of our friends and family doing things not out of consideration for their spouses or others, but doing what they would rather do personally or what is convenient, popular, or enjoyable for themselves.  For example, as a parent you are bombarded with considerations such as should your kids be in soccer? Cheerleading?  Piano? Swimming?  Don't forget Art, Music, AWANA.  Oh, and you better hit the gym, no one is allowed to age or be unhealthy.  After looking at the latest cover of Redbook (or some other similar women's magazine) it should be understood that one needs to perpetually maintain the look of a 25 year old. 

Make sure you are also well respected in your career.  Maybe you need to go back to school, sharpen those workplace skills, try something new to keep life exciting.  And, after all this hard work, you deserve some time to yourself, right?  Golfing?  Shopping?  Of course, there is that church picnic, the team building activity for work , and the list goes on and on.  The next thing you know the hustle and bustle of life has separated the two that should have become one.  The limited allotted time available to invest in marriage and family has been swallowed up and shuffled until you find yourself making excuses for the small amount of "quality" time you can spend with your spouse.  Forget how often, it's what you do with the time that counts, right?  NO.

It is not just quality, but quantity that builds relationships and strengthens them.  We simply cannot replace time spent with those we love with material things, activities, and "fun".  In order to build a meaningful relationship you have to be there.  It is through moments spent together day in and day out that we learn who our spouse and children are, and how weak we are ourselves.  You know that old commandment "Love one another as I have loved you"?  Jesus loved us sacrificially.  Have you tried to love someone when you don't feel like it?  Have you tried to love someone when they are driving you crazy?  Of course it is easier to avoid the problem or one another versus performing loving acts.  I would much rather lock myself in the bathroom or head to the nearest mall or get lost in a good book when my family members are driving me insane.  However, I've found that when I suck it up and humble myself to demonstrate love through humility - saying "yes" when I want to scream "leave me alone for 5 minutes", everyone is happier and I feel triumphant at conquering an otherwise frustrating situation. 

Now, don't get me wrong, of course there are boundary conditions.  I am not a doormat.  I also have a self-will like you wouldn't believe and I tend to lack discipline in my own life.  For me it is a delicate tightrope walk of learning what is motivating my responses and trying to bring my selfishness under control. 

Making my husband feel wanted, appreciated, needed and respected are necessary and some days it does take an effort.  I'm sure I don't need to mention the days when my darling husband is muttering under his breath "I love my wife, I love my wife, I love my wife..." while trying to overlook my irrascibility.  Relationships are work.  I think if you were to forget the rest of the bible and just focus on the two commandments Jesus named:  Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul and strength.  Love one another as you love yourself", you would have plenty to work on and keep your hands full for the rest of your life.