Today I was at the bank making a change to an account when I noticed a little sign the teller had hung up in her cubicle.  It said:

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.  (Melody Beattie)

Lord, help me to be truly grateful for all things, big and small…amen.

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I have occasionally observed families who have babies and then quickly slide back into their regular routine as though nothing major had taken place.  The baby settles into family life, and things continue on as though the new little one had been there forever.  I think this is really wonderful and fantastic- I admire these folks, I really do.  I always hope it will be that way for me.
 
For some reason, though, when a new baby joins my family it is as though a train wreck has taken place.  Mass chaos.  People crying, wandering through the wreckage wondering where there stuff is.  Hoping they will make it out alive.  Stuff like that.  It takes me about, oh, two years or so for things to even resemble normalcy.  And guess what?  It’s been two years!!
 
Yes, it’s been two entire years since Megan and Melissa joined our family, and I am happy to report that both of my little sweeties are healthy, happy and housebroken.  They are two giggling packages of sheer delight- well, most of the time anyway- and I am really enjoying the toddler stage.  They have their moments, and I have mine, but it is so fun to watch them learning and discovering new things every day.  Of course the discovering part can be a little messy (eggs) and sometimes pretty unsanitary (toilet water), but we have managed to stay out of the hospital and haven’t even had to visit the doctor much come to think of it.  That in itself is victory.
 
My blog has lapsed into nothingness due to my utter lack of having any desire to write about anything.  I think the best thing I’ve written in the past year was a grocery list.  How’s that for honesty?  Only recently have I felt that maybe- just maybe- I would dust off the old keyboard and see if I have any creativity left in my brain.  We’ll see…but I’m not promising anything.
 
Anyway it’s great to be back, and I look forward to catching up on things!

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Hello, everyone!!  I’ll bet you all thought I dropped off the face of the earth…well, I did for awhile there.  But now Spring is on the way, and I am coming out of hibernation.  We can’t wait for Spring to come around here because we are tired of coats, boots, gloves, hats and most especially snowsuits:

Melissa and Megan waiting for Spring.

And speaking of spring, here’s a little poem I wrote about Dandelions:

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You haven’t lived until you’ve gone shopping at Toys R Us the Saturday after Thanksgiving with 2 babies in a side by side stroller.  You really haven’t.  Why we decided this would be a good idea, I don’t know, but I did live to tell about it, so tell about it I will.

First, it was so cold outside that I had to bundle them both up like snowpeople in order to take them out of the house.  By the time I was finished, they were like two little soft, stiff stick figures.  I bent them into their carseats which of course I could not fasten  because snowsuits are much bigger than jackets, so I spent the next 10 minutes adjusting the "easy adjust" straps on both seats.  Which are not easy by the way.  By now I am losing feeling in my hands because I had to take my gloves off to do this job and the car doors are open and the wind is whistling through. 

We took our smaller car because it was just Ken, me, Kevin and the girls.  I thought it would be cozy.   I managed to fit both carseats and Kevin’s booster in the backseat, but when I went to buckle Kevin in, I realized that the space between his seat and the carseats was about wide enough to maybe fit a slip of paper into- certainly not big enough for me to be able to snap his seatbelt in without seriously injuring myself.  So I unhooked one of the carseats and pulled it to the side so I could strap Kevin in, put it back in place and quickly closed the door just in case somebody popped out.

The drive to the Toys R Us was fine- the babies were happy because Kevin was chain feeding them Cheerios, their all time favorite food in the entire world.   I of course forgot that Kevin doesn’t realize how long it takes a baby to chew a Cheerio and before I thought of it, he had Melissa’s cheeks stuffed full like a little chipmunk.  A true sign of a mom who is on the edge is when she lets a 4 year old feed the baby.  I reach back and in one deft movement do a mouth-sweep on Melissa and remove 37 Cheerios from her mouth.  She protests of course, because 37 Cheerios in her mouth at one time to Melissa is like the best thing that ever happened to her.  So we listen to her cry until Kevin can insert another one, this time with a stern warning from mom NOT to give her another until she chews and swallows.

So we get to Toys R Us (it’s only 10 minutes away), unload the kids and our Jeep side by side umbrella stroller, and run inside.  Now it’s time to take off the snowsuits because it’s 93 degrees in the store.  This is not easy when you don’t have anywhere to lay a baby down.  We somehow manage it through a complicated maneuver that involves Ken holding one baby suspended in air while I unzip and pull off her snowsuit with one hand while holding the other baby in my other hand.  It doesn’t occur to me to put my baby down in the stroller while I attempt this.  I am very used to doing things with one hand, it comes natural to me. 

We finally get both babies out of the snowsuits (they are both sweating profusely, by the way) and into the stroller and off we go!!  Hooray!  We’re shopping!  Like normal people!  We take 14 steps before we get to the Thomas the Tank Engine train set which the people who work at Toys R Us have thoughtfully set up for 4 year olds to play with.  They conveniently cram this exhibit in the middle of a toy aisle with approximately 3 inches of space on either side of it.  No way am I going to fit my trusty Jeep side by side umbrella stroller through there.  And no way am I going to get away with standing still- these girls want to move!  So Ken hangs around with Kevin and Thomas while I take the babies for a little stroll through the store.

Now having 2 babies in a side by side stroller makes you become A Novelty when you are in any store.  People stop in their tracks and stare at you.  Well, at the babies.  They don’t really look at me at all which is usually a good thing.  They turn and whisper to their friend "Oh, look, twins- aren’t they sweet?" and smile dreamily as they pass by.  Little kids are less shy- they run right up and yell "Mommy look!  Two babies!" and promptly stick their fingers into the girls’ eyes or noses…it’s really cute. 

Inevitably a sweet old lady stops me and asks if they are twins.  I say yes. She says rather accusingly, "Well, they don’t look ANYTHING alike!"  I say, "Yes I know," and contemplate getting into a discussion about genetics in the middle of the toy store and quickly decide not to.   She asks if they are boys or girls.  She must not notice the pink outfits and the cute "I’m a girl" pony tails I painstakingly fixed before we left.  "They’re girls," I say.  She will then ask how old they are, I will say they are almost a year old and she will say "But they’re so small!" as though I don’t feed them.  I contemplate getting into a discussion about prematurity and adjusted age in the middle of the toy store and quickly decide not to.  I just smile.  At this point Megan starts to twist around to look at me as if just remembering that I am actually here and able to possibly pick her up.  If you stop too long they do that.  She starts fussing and holding her arms out to me.  "I can see you have your hands full," says my new friend.  I smile ruefully and say "Yes, I do," and start to walk away.  She then says "Well they’re very sweet," and I thank her.  As I am walking away she calls out  "Just wait until they’re teenagers- they’ll break your heart!"  Ah yes, another heartwarming discussion in the toy store.  Gotta love those sweet old ladies.

Our rhythm broken, the babies and I continue to circle Toys R Us with them fussing every time I stop which is often because there are people everywhere and displays in the middle of every row.  I am supposed to be looking for a Christmas present for my neice, so I try to shop but it is impossible since I can’t make it down most of the aisles.  I spot a cute Hello Kitty stationary set halfway down one aisle but have to pass it up because the row is too crowded and if I stop we will have meltdown.  I take a lap.  Still too crowded.  I take another lap- yes!!  I leave the stroller 2 feet from me while I sidle down the aisle to grab my prize.  By the time I get back a sweet old lady is admiring the girls and eyeing me up like I am a child abuser for leaving them alone.  When I get to her she asks "Are they twins?"  and my fate is sealed.  By the time we are done chatting, both babies are screaming and I am ready to go home.  This new friend informs me that my hands are full and that when my girls are teenagers they will break my heart, and with this news ringing in my ears like Salvation Army bells, I set off to find Ken.

After we pay for our purchases, we decide to scrap the snowsuits and just wrap them around the babies.  Of course this means that the carseat straps are now too loose and I must use the "easy adjust" feature once again.  I get Kevin strapped in with a little less trouble because I never did fasten the one carseat that I moved back in before we left- oops!  We drive home to the lovely sound of babies wailing.  At this point even Cheerios don’t work anymore.

When we get home, the girls are so happy to be free that they play beautifully together on the floor until bedtime.  I collapse exhausted on the couch and vow never to leave the house again until they are 4.  Or at least until next Friday  when we go to the grocery store.

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Earlier this year I had my dad and brothers and sisters over for my kids’ birthdays.  They think we are weird already because we drink goats’ milk and raise our own meat (oh, admit it, you guys, you do!), so they keep their eyes open for further weirdness when they come over.  The salt shaker was examined and questioned ("Why is your salt brown?), the chili contents discussed ("Did this meat used to live here?") and the hot dogs were under a general suspicion of being something called Not Dogs (which they were not).  When we sat down to eat I noticed my dad looking around uncertainly so I asked him what was wrong and he asked meekly:

 "Um, Leah, do you guys believe in mustard?"

I had to laugh!  But inside I cringed a little.  “Do I believe in mustard?  Why did he ask me that?”

About a month ago my sister came over with her daughter.  I offered her a cup of coffee and she sighed with obvious relief and said “Oh, I’m so glad you still drink coffee.”  This was because I had recently been reading about coffee and cancer and had sent out an email to my brothers and sisters on the subject with some unsolicited advice for them to quit drinking it if they knew what was good for them.  I quit for a month before caving in and getting the occasional cup of drive through Dunkin Donuts on the weekend.  Then it was twice a week.  Then it was anytime I drove past a coffee shop.  I decided I’d better go back to brewing it at home or we’d go to the poorhouse.    

Over the summer I went to the water park with my friend Maria.  We had agreed to bring lunch as to not pay the exorbiant prices for the food sold at the concession stands.  When we got there, Maria, being the nice sweet person that she is, asked if I would like something to munch on while we watched the kids swimming.  I of course said yes and she pulls out this gigantic bag of raw green pepper slices.  Later on she shared some grapes.  After awhile, the kids came back starving so I unpacked the nitrate laced salami sandwiches, oversalted, overbuttered  popcorn and (shudder) bright, unnaturally red Kool Aid drinks I had brought- not a healthy lunch, I admit, but it was a fun day so I packed a fun lunch.  My friend laughed as she watched me pass the junk food around and said “Here I was worried about what you would think of all the snacks I brought, and you brought Kool Aid!”  She then proceeded to break out her private stash of chips and double stuffed Oreos that she had been hiding from me. 

I reflectively munched an Oreo (green pepper slices had been quickly forgotten) and wondered how I had given Maria the impression of being a healthy food snob.  Do I act like a healthy food snob?  Do I sit around and give off disapproving vibes while other people are eating cookies?  Do I look down my nose while little children eat their fruit snacks?  Do I unconsciously curl my lip and roll my eyes when I see a Twix bar or a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos?  Well, do I? 

Maybe it’s this blog.  I have been known on occasion to rail against the ill effects of sugar and chemicals, I admit it.  I have touted what I believe to be the healing powers of certain herbs and have voiced my general disdain for much modern medicine.  I’m not shy about sharing my fear of grocery store meat, eggs and milk.  Maybe I just talk too much! 

I think what is in order here are a few confessions.  Maybe that will give everyone a clearer picture of who I really am.  Okay?  Here goes.

Confession #1:  I put sugar in my coffee.  Every day.  White sugar.  Oh, the shame of it all!  I had quit all sugar for a time and even wrote a very self righteous post about it awhile back.  So much for conviction.

Confession #2:  I buy baby food.  When I had Kevin I was a much better mother and made his baby food with my own two hands from organic fruit and vegetables.  Now I buy it in the little jars.  And it’s not even Gerber- it’s the Wal Mart brand.  Here is Megan and Melissa’s menu for the day:

Breakfast- ½ jar each of apples and blueberries baby food plus 47 Cheerios.

Lunch- 87 Cheerios and two bites of a banana.

Dinner- Mashed egg yolks (healthy!!), ½ small jar of green beans which they spit out all over their chins, hands, and bibs.  623 Cheerios.

Confession #3:  I am hopelessly addicted to McDonald’s soft serve ice cream cones.  If I am ever out alone, I make sure to have $1.08 with me so I can whip through the drive thru and get one.  Yes, I have memorized the price with tax included.

Confession #4:  I love lunchmeat from the deli.  I could exist on salami sandwiches if I thought it wouldn’t kill me.  I don’t buy it, but I look longingly at the “meat” behind the glass whenever I go to the grocery store.

So there you have it.  4 things you probably wouldn’t have guessed about me.  Hopefully this will set the record straight to those of you who mistakenly think that I am a healthy food snob.  As you can see, I have my vices.  If you can call jarred baby food and soft serves vices.  I guess there are worse things.

And yes, I DO believe in mustard!

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