Tea, Crumpets, and Chocolate Chip Cookies

Inspired by Musketman!

All of Musketman's little one-liners gave me the idea, and I remembered the paper I got from a meeting at work once with some funny questions.  So here goes! 

~Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?

~Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?

~Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

~Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?

~Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

~Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

~Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

~Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

~Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

~If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

~Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

~Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

~Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

~Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end you first try?

~How do all those bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

~When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apolagizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?"  Well it isn't all right so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"

~Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

~In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

~How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

~If at first you don't succeed, shouldn't you try it like your wife told you to do it?

~And obviously if at first you don't succeed, then don't take up sky diving!

~The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness.  Think of your three best friends, if they're okay, then it's you. 

ROTFLOL

04:37, Tuesday, July 24, 2007 .. Posted by Kitty

Oh my gosh, these were too funny. I LOL with a few of them, but mostly the one about Superman. I immediatly pictured the old 1950's hero do just that. Too cute, thanks for giving me a laugh today, with this toothache, I needed it.
Kitty

Untitled Comment

09:00, Wednesday, July 25, 2007 .. Posted by morningsunshine

love the garbage bag one. I think maybe they make them with magic ends, so that no matter which one you try, it automatically closes and the other opens!

Father-In-Law Joke

09:16, Thursday, July 26, 2007 .. Posted by Musketman

"Behind every successful son-in law stands a devoted wife and a surprised father-in-law."

~Randy

p.s. Thanks for posting these, now there are two of us. LOL