This started as part of the last post but got too lengthy... thought I better break it up.
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I finally called this week to make an apt. with this totally cool doctor in Poplar Bluff that my friends told me about. Figured I might as well travel a little over an hour to see her a few times than see some local doctor I’ve heard bad things about. I was feeling really good about it. Maybe she could help with my gestational diabetes, which has kicked in full force. Well, they no longer accept Medicaid at that location but if I’d like to drive TWO hours to Sikeston, they can see me there. Hmm. That kinda blew that plan. I’ve been going around with the Lord on some issues of trust and I immediately felt like it was a slap on the wrist for wanting to put my trust in a doctor. Could be my imagination. I don’t think it’s wrong to have a doctor, even a good one. I’ve been praying the Lord would provide someone. But from the beginning this pregnancy has been about trusting him, being dependent on him.

I’ve started getting what I call "sugar shakes" again in the morning. I’ve had this for the last couple pregnancies but only with Royal did I learn it’s from high blood sugar. I started using my glucometer again and am slowly figuring out what I can eat and what I can’t. The doctors were of no help last time. My OB said, "Oh, you have GD" and never talked about it with me, just sent me to an endocrinologist who was no help either. She wasn’t American (surprise) and I couldn’t communicate with her. She looked at 1 week’s worth of my glucose log and prescribed insulin (2ccs 1/2 hour before a meal, if I remember correctly). I had had no guidance whatsoever about what I should or shouldn’t eat and so of course the log was mess. But such a small amount of insulin...? Surely I could control it with diet. I threw the prescription away, knowing with the Lord’s help I could do it... and, admittedly, I was terrified at the thought of having to shove a needle into my flesh a few times a day. I had just gotten use to the finger-sticking glucometer. I found a nurse, all by myself, at the health department that gave me a crash course in diabetes, taught me how to count carbs and helped me work out a meal plan of sorts. She was more helpful than anyone I had talked to yet.

The only thing was, even adhering to the plan, my readings were too high. I felt awful after I ate. I came to dread food. Hard when you love food. Of course, there was a huge amount of stress in my life at the time... from fighting with my OB, Bobby’s lack of work and our subsequent lack of finances, and the whole house situation. We were renting here and paying the mortgage on the house we were trying to sell in Ozark and the landlord was getting tired of us not being able to purchase this house... we didn’t even know if we would have a home when the baby was born. And we were planning a home birth! Oh yes, lots of stress.

So, here we go again. I knew before I became pregnant that the Lord would use this to draw me closer to him. I knew it would be hard and I was so afraid... but when you’ve been down every other road with him and seen his awesome power and glory... who am I to tell him, "No, I won’t go there with you"???

The first sign of blood sugar problems for me is extreme fatigue within a couple hours of eating breakfast. This usually begins around 20 weeks.  I’ll notice the feeling after a big or carb-loaded meal later in the day, but it’s nothing like morning. Praying for wisdom and strength, I’ve undertaken trying to learn my body and how different foods and activities affect my glucose levels. I’m pricking my fingers more times a day than ordinarily necessary just to observe. I'm keeping a log of every reading, everything I eat, and my activity level.  I get so discouraged in the mornings when no matter what I eat I feel fatigued. It usually leads to a time of weeping at my bedside as I seek the Lord, praying for strength, praying for the baby’s safety. Last week I was terrified, thinking I would end up having to take insulin... and it’s not just taking insulin that bothers me, but finding a health care professional that I could trust and all that that entails... Anyway, there have been bits of encouragement. A young lady in our fellowship, now pregnant with her 3rd, told me her mom controlled GD with diet. A strictly meat and veggies diet, according to her. She gave me her mom’s number but I haven’t called yet (I'm not so good at calling people I don't know). That same night (Wed) an older lady that I barely know, who’s had serious health issues her entire life, reminded me that it’s only the sick that need a physician...Christ didn’t come to heal the healthy. Her way of saying that God was using this to draw me to him, show me my need for him, and to heal me.  Knowing what she's been through and the peace that she has... I'm holding onto that.

I’ve also found some good resources online. diabeticmommy.com is great. My confidence is renewed that this can be handled with diet. Small consolation, knowing what that means. I become fearful when I think about it... I’ve never undertaken trying to plan meals and snacks for a special diet. I don’t even know where to start. And, I must continue to provide regular meals for the rest of my family. I’m so terrified when I sit down to a plate of food that I can barely taste it. I am so relieved when I check my BG two hours later and find things normal. Even if it reads a little high, I feel better knowing. I figured out during the last pregnancy that if my reading is high or I even feel like it might be high, that 10-15 minutes of aerobic exercise (i.e. dancing with the kids) will set things aright pretty quickly (though that’s the last thing you FEEL like doing when your sugar is up).

When I become afraid, it’s usually because I’m overwhelmed thinking of the next few months. Taking these thoughts captive, I remind myself that God has only given me enough strength, enough grace, for one day. Today. "Give us this day our daily bread." (Mmm... bread... how I’ll miss you.) "Let tomorrow worry about itself." Can I eat healthy for one day? Just one? Well... it is pretty rough, especially in the morning, but Lord if you’ll help me then, yeah, I guess I can handle one day.

I was encouraged to finally read that mornings are hardest for most diabetics. The insulin resistance in your body is up during this time. I’ve figured out some things I can do for breakfast without my BG going sky-high (for instance, my usual bowl of cereal is out because milk turns to glucose and enters my blood way to quickly - I might as well drink a glass of fruit juice). I have to really be careful of what kind of carbs and how many. I’m eating eggs mostly, experimenting with veggies and whole wheat bread, but I’m running out of ways to prepare eggs and am desperate for other high-protein/complex carb combo breakfast ideas. I can keep my BG level down, but I can’t figure out why I still feel somewhat fatigued. Is it because I’m getting so few carbs that I’m not getting the energy I need? [sigh] I’m learning.

Well, this is what the Lord has for me and it’s definitely keeping me close to him. I’m also reminded to count it all joy... And I find I can actually do that when I think how good this is for me and how much glory it brings to God. And, I get another wonderful child out of the deal. =)  It’s the kind of experience that makes you want to name a baby "Faith"... but that’s just too normal for this family.

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Posted by dukygurl

sorry to hear about your BS (um that is blood sugar) IMaybe walking befroe bed time and after dinner...your right you will just have to see what works for you. I am sorry that it is a problem again for you. I will pray.

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