Not feeling so well...
Thursday, April 24, 2008

Posted in In The Family Room

Today I thought I'd just jot down my thoughts for the day.  Not much of course, but I wanted to get up and get out of this funk I've been feeling.

I seem to be having issues with overtiredness.  I'm unsure if it's the thyroid or some other issue.  All I know is I'm whiped out and really never seem to get a whole nights sleep without interuption.

The good news here is that I've started meeting with a personal trainer just yesterday.  She was impressed by my focus and spunk.  I miss those days during dance training.  I had alot of drive.  It seems to be coming back a bit as I saw in the gym with my PT.  I pray I start seeing some results.  In the meantime, Today through this lethargic feeling I have to get out and walk for an hour. I refuse to walk with the dogs by myself because they seem to get too rambunctious with me.  So I'll try it on my own for awhile.  It'll be pretty nice because I'll be able to see the ducks and swans.  The swan is in her nest awaiting a baby.  I  can't wait to see her.

I have several appointments to make.  One being for a chiropractor.  My lower back is pretty sore from the belly fat I have. 

The other appointment is with a Registered Dietician to help me with my slump concerning diabetes and hypothyroid.  I am having issues with boredom and would like to find ways to get around the food slump and maybe even find some hidden calories and fat. 

NEXT, doug and I are going to some Christian Counseling sessions.  To go alone with mind body and spirit, I feel there are some underlying issues that I need to overcome, I think both of us could use a bit of help in overcoming these obsticles so it will be a blessing to work on the overall health of us. 

Which brings me to my final note.  We've decided to push back our foster to adopt classes.  There is WAY too much going on and one of the things we think would be a good idea is to work on ourselves, our health, our mind, spirits and our marriage.  While I know it sounds a bit odd, I have so many health concerns and doug has gained a bit of weight from stress at work that we've just found it right to work on our overall health.  I don't think we'd do our children any justice if we couldn't give them all of us. 

I have to say it was an awful conclusion as we've both waited 7 years, but whats one more year if it means the health and well being of us all right?  So with that, I'm working on losing this weight, getting off majority of my meds, focusing on my faith and my marriage as is my husband.  We both came to this mutual understanding so right there was our confirmation from God.  Who'da thunk it.  I'm just a bit sad that I have to wait, yet again for my children.  A part of me is REALLY lost without them.  God is also showing me though, that I'm focusing too much on children and maybe even raising them to a level of idols.  Not sure if anyone really understands, but sometimes those of us who are barren, we tend to overthink, focus WAY too much too hard on having a child when really as I've learned with our finances, He wants us to be content with what we DO have before he blesses us with more.

It's because of the above last sentence that we've chosen to take a step back and work within ourselves to be the two people God wants us to be.  Then children will come when HE is good an ready, not when I say He is.

So please bare with me as I share my spirit with you.  I feel pretty shot spiritually these days.  The good news though is things are looking up.  We have even found a church home after all these months. Our pastor and his wife are two awesome people who love the Lord and I have already learned a great deal from them and the congregation about the love of Christ and His will for His people.

With that said, I will close here.

Much love to you all as you start to enjoy the final weeks of spring and a full, lively, summer and harvest season. 

Rebekah

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