The Dismal Portion

Posted on Wednesday 28 March 2007 at 11:41

The window is spattered, the greying wood of the deck is damp. The snow lies rigid with a stubborn edge of ice, resisting the shrinking of its hold.

This is the dismal portion of spring’s cup. The lawn is brown, still sleeping. The melt has been too fast, perhaps, since all the beds and garden rows lie exposed, dredged by running water that won’t soak into the still-frozen earth.

The wind is hustly, obnoxious and chilly. We go from over-warmth to shivering, here in the house, as the temperature outside fluctuates and forces the heating system on and off.

I think the junipers are dead. They weren’t the strongest things, those upright junipers. Grown in B.C., I suspect, used to “winter” meaning five below freezing. There are plenty who feel the same about Manitoba’s seasons as the junipers did. Not worth living for.

This plain, un-scenic space is all I have. I don’t know what to do to make it lovely – something like my inward world, which is also trying to escape the grip of a winter of the soul.

Small things happen. Someone says a certain thing to me, or some happenstance passes the window of my eye. I take a breath or two and remember what it feels like to be alive to my deepest, truest passions.

They were not dead. They only slept.

I read a handful of words, like an invalid unable to take more than a few sips of broth. God has chosen the foolish things of the world to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to shame the things which are strong, and the base things of the world, and the despised, God has chosen, the things that are not, so that He might nullify the things that are, that no man should boast before God.

I know who and what I am, what I was. It has not appeared as yet what I shall be.

Untitled Comment

Posted by Andrea on Wednesday 28 March 2007 at 12:37 - Link

Those junipers might not be dead, my dear. Perhaps they're still hibernating and waiting for the warm sun. A little bit of warm sun coaxes much out of its cold sleep. Just have to be patient for the warmth, however.

Peace~ Andrea