Mechanical Nemeses of the Country Variety

Posted on Thursday 18 January 2007 at 01:51

Let me open with this: Augh!!! Potatoes???? Denise, good grief. Don't you know what temperature it is out there (in my world)? 

That, by the way, is what I look like lately. It was a crazy day today, without water, and with coal. Yes, coal. May I introduce you to our nemesis, the Outdoor Coal Boiler. This delicate (not!!) handmade contraption, courtesy of an old neighbour of Dave's parents, has been our lifeline and bane for the last couple of years.

Breakneck simply didn't have time to keep with woodcutting for our two woodstoves - one at each end of the house, and much-needed, I tell you. So he installed this thing, which sits back of the house and puffs out smoke while heating a fine mix of antifreeze and water that runs through the 1960s-ish hot water rads throughout the house.

Unless it's, say, minus 40. Then it is time for something on said contraption to seize, break, foul up, fall apart, run out of fuel, or otherwise give up the ghost. At that time, Dave will spend two or three of the coldest days of the year repairing, cursing (hopefully out of the kids' earshot) and stressing about how he's going to get the wretched thing running when he has to go to work right away.

January has traditionally been the month when we run out of coal and have to get a new load while waiting several of those coldest days before arrangements can be made. So Breakneck decided that this year, thanks to a tip from one of his loyal work buddies, he was going to get ahead of the game.

He found coal for half price, and ordered two years' worth. Oh, yes. That should fix everything, right? Even counting in the Coldest Day Factor.

Yeah, right. The truck took all day to get loaded, no fault of the driver's, and didn't make it back in time. Then, of course, Dave had missed the one-day window he had between shifts - that game has now gone into overtime, and he won't be back for a week. But they could bring it the next day, in fact, they would have to, because they kinda need that trailer emptied.

So, today, the unsuspecting Cat woke up to the tune of, "Mom, there's no water again!" (Sidebar explanation: The groundwater here sucks, so we're on a municipal pipeline. Our branch, like our coal-fired boiler, has a hallowed tradition of inconvenient breakdowns at least three times a year.)

We sat around till 10 a.m., because usually our Intrepid Water Guy gets some kind of jury-rig or actual fix in place pretty quickly. I mean, he's done it how many times? But, nope. So Cat calls the coal people, and gets this response from the trucker's cell phone: "Um, I'm stuck, and I haven't even got the first guy's half unloaded."

Cat Saddles Up. We go to town, whereupon I walk into the Municipal Office and ask what's up with the water situation. They inform me it's at least an all-day fix. Gag. I confirm my plans to run home to Mommy, who conveniently lives just at the other end of my road and is on a different part of the water system that doesn't suffer regular breakdowns.

We go to the store to get some lunch to take with us, and in the middle of the street...

Okay. You have to know my town. This is just so my-town. There, in the middle of the street, I see the Two Town Goofs, who are of my generation but slightly older. They are standing there with a pickaxe. They are using it to hammer on the road.

Intrepid Water Guy is there as well. You have to know, this is not an out-of-place pairing, really. Small-town bonds run deep, and all that stuff.

I go in, get my stuff, and ask Checkout Girl, "So, what're they doing to the road?"

"The water main broke," she says, just as the Intrepid Water Guy strides in for a nose-blowing break. (I didn't think government labour regulations covered those, but whatever.)

"You're havin' a day," I say to him.

"Yeah, I still have no idea where my electrician is," he replies with great long-suffering. This relates to the all-day fix out my way. The missing electrician is the core of the problem, really. A conversation ensues debating when precisely the water up my way (and Checkout Girl's way) quit, based on morning showers, and Water Guy says he'd rather be called at 6 a.m. on a Saturday than 6 p.m. on a Saturday.

Checkout Girl starts laughing. "That's 'cuz you're drinking in the Legion."

No wonder his jury-rigging works so well. He's got an advisory staff and a weekly scheduled conference.

Long story short - the kids stayed at Grandma's. I came home and verbally wrestled (in the nicest way) with an undermotivated trucker who just really didn't want to do this thing of dumping the coal. When he finally did, he spread it halfway across the yard, due to the little detail of his trailer being a belly-dump instead of an end-dump. The absentee Breakneck was not impressed with the wastage this will cause or the time it will take to make some order out of the chaos.

But, we came home this evening to improved water pressure, a house that is still warm, by the grace of God, and two thirsty cats who were disgruntled with the bathroom/bedroom ban that had been their day. Not even tap drippings in the tub.

So Intrepid Water Guy did save part of the day in the end. Must be all that good advice he gets.

Untitled Comment

Posted by BlueApple on Thursday 18 January 2007 at 06:38 - Link

Oh my gosh! Love it! I mean, I'm sorry you spent a cold and frustrating day - but you write beautifully and had me laughing all the way through. It's life ont he ole homestead, isn't it! Gotta love it! Have a wonderful (and WARM) day!
Blessings,
Julia

Untitled Comment

Posted by Darcy on Thursday 18 January 2007 at 09:05 - Link

Ah Cat, it's good to have you writing here again. I've missed your inspired thoughts!
Hope your water stays on and the coal keeps burning.......although we're burning wood, we have similar issues here right now. We ran out of our really good and dry firewood and are using the "emergency" wood stash which really isn't all that dry and doesn't burn hot at all. So today's activity for me is to babysit the woodstove. Thankfully it is right next to the computer :).
Darcy