Mon-19-May-2008 - Misconceptions of a Happy Mama
The last few weeks have been busy for me, and I’ve been mulling this over in my mind.
I wonder why people think we want a large family?
Some must think I have it all together; that I'm never baffled, perplexed, or just plain 'ol scared.
I love children so much I want more; that I'm never frusterated, or worn.
I must be a really good person.
I must just not have any issues when I’m pregnant – it must be just so easy for me!
Or I’m a bit naïve – can’t I envision a future with many mouths to feed?
I look at the people in the Bible that were used of God, and I start to feel a bit better, because none of these ideas are true about me.
When you think of me, think of Peter. He had the courage to jump out of the boat, but he started to sink pretty quickly when swamped with doubt. I do that. Me and doubting Thomas might have been good friends, but I'm a bit rash like Peter, too.
When you think of me, think of Moses. He didn’t find speaking easy, but God said He would put words in His mouth and help him. Moses still didn’t think it would work! It's so hard for me to walk forward without knowing exactly what's around the corner.
When you think of me, think of Moses’s brave mother. She had her baby, and trusted God for the future. I have no idea what to do with a 3yo. Honest, I don't. Or a 4yo, or a 5yo . . . getting the picture? I just praise the Lord I've come this far. May He led me all the way!
I had the chance to tell someone recently why we want more children. It’s not because children are our passion (though each child we have we quickly become passionate about!). It’s not because we sat down and thought “what is our life missing?” And it’s not because we felt like we should seek to be more responsible and maybe even grow up some and thought a child or two would do the trick.
We want children because God says children are desirable. He says they are blessings. And we trust His perception better than our own.
When I'm changing my 4th dirty diaper of the the day, do I "feel" abundantly blessed? Not really. But my life is not, cannot be based on my feelings. It's too easy to wax romantic or pessimistic according to if it's raining or dry. When Jonathan does something to annoy me, he doesn't "feel" like my Beloved. But he is. And I try to proceed accordingly in life, because I know my feelings will lie to me.
If it feels right, do it . . . that's a painful way to live your life.
It won't always feel right to cook dinner. Or to put down your book and vacuum. And it might not feel right to wipe running noses and carry the umpteenth glass of water to my husband while he sprawls on the couch with a headache. It most certainly doesn't feel right to iron! Bleck! And since most of my ironing is going to be worn by my husband and not myself . . . that starts feeling even more optional.
I think a lot of the world sees a child as about as much blessing as a flat tire. You almost can’t avoid one forever, they make you thankful for life when it’s going smoothly, but you sure don’t want a bunch of ‘em. Who on earth would?
Why give up that freedom, the right to my own body, the right to my own comfort, the right to have quiet time? Why give up such a lovely life that me and my husband had? Why? When my example of serving others is Christ, who poured out His life for others and ended up killed? He gave everything, and then He died. He suffered painfully of the very people He came to serve and bless.
Oh, that I might grow to be a little more like Him, each step along life's way. That it might become easier to put others first. That I might slowly grow and be stretched and find joy and peace even in the absence of earthly recognition, and if I have appreciation, that I don't rely on it! Oh, that my life might might please God Himself . . . .
~Ashley~
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Comments
Mon-19-May-2008 - Right on the mark
Posted by Anonymous
I just saw your blog today. I love this post; you succinctly put into words exactly my thoughts. In fact, the past couple of weeks have been more difficult than usual and the Lord has kept this running through my head: "Children are *always* a blessing; they are *never* a curse." Even when they are taking turns with a stomach virus, even when your newborn keeps you up night after night, they are always a blessing. I couldn't imagine life without any one of mine. What is the proper etiquette for quoting your entry? May I just quote the entire thing on my blog with a link back to yours? Thanks! Michelle
Michelle - I don't mind if you just link. :)
Edited by Jonash2004 on Wed-21-May-2008 at 02:00
Wed-21-May-2008 - Untitled Comment
Posted by Jessica
Wow! Thoughtful insightful post-- you keep up that good attitude!
And Congratulations!
Wed-21-May-2008 - Untitled Comment
Posted by Jessica
Oh And I meant to say--LOVE those tootsies at the top!
www.farmfreshiowa.blogspot.com
Thu-22-May-2008 - It's Shannon Again.
Posted by Anonymous
I just wanted to say that your words are wise, and have been such a blessing to me today. Thank you, Ashley!
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